A cut for love
by Kanilla
Summary: Rated M for safety.Tyson has been cutting himself for ages,and is slowly falling,getting weaker and weaker.When Kai gets to know his secret,will he be able to stop the boy from hurting himself real badly?no flames please.R&R!
1. Default Chapter

**Hiya everyone!**

**I am bringing you a new story to read...lol,aint I kind-XD-just kidding you...anyways,I hope you can be bothered to read this stuff...and beware,there is blood,angst and yaoi.**

**Disclaimer:I do not own beyblade,only the plot.**

**-Chapter one-**

A whimper escaped his parted,pink lips as pain seared through him.Meaningless thoughts were entering his mind,leaving a dull confusion.Why did it come to this every time?Big salty teardrops rolled down his cheeks as he sobbed.Navy hair fell into his teary brown eyes as he hung his head in defeat.How come that every time thigns got a little hard he would end up in this situation?He really hated himself,hated himself for being weak.

It wasnt because he enjoyed pain.It wasnt because he liked the feel of metal slicing his skin..No,it was because he was weak,and it made him feel even worse.His feelings and hurt would bottle up until he kenw he couldnt take it anymore...then he would take the razorblade in his hand and do it again.There would be nothing but pain for a few seconds,then a numb ache in his chest.He always made sure that the blood didnt stain any of his clothes or the floor.That would just cause the others to ask him questions about what had happened.He didnt want them to ask those questions,he didnt want to lie to them.

But he already did,his whole life was one big,fucking lie.Everyday he lied to them by putting on his happy mask,the ever-so-grinning face he used to carry.It was so much easier to just smile and be their fool instead of dropping the act and act on his emotions.The smile was too natural a part of his being to be removed that easily.It hurt though that not a single one of them could see through his act,to hear the lies for what they were...to see his smile as fake.Was he too good an actor?maybe he was..Or maybe people were just retarded,he thought.

Even if he didnt want for them to find out,he longed for someone to find out about his dark secret,he longed for someone to save him from this living hell.But it was highly unlikely that a knight in shining armor would come to his aid.No one would save him from the darkness in his heart...and he couldnt do it himself either.

It was devouring him from the inside.With his feet shaking badly he stood up and made his way over to the sink.He felt sick to his stomach as he watched the blood pour from the wound and blend with the water and the crystal tears that fell from his eyes.He had gone too far this time,the bloodloss would make him sick.It was getting harder and harder by every time.Last time he had wanted to end it all,to leave everything behind.But he couldnt.fear had saved him in the last minute,pulling him out of it before he found the courage to do it.

He could hear the sound of his heart beating in his head,leaving him to hear nothing else.It was about time to put on his mask again and be their Joker.Wrapping up his wound with bandages he made sure there were no traces of blood left behind for anyone to find.The moment he stepped out of that door his lips curled into the usual insane grin.Most of all he just wanted to sleep and dream about a better place.

«Hi Ty!Whatcha been doing?I havent seen you for a while»Max greeted when he entered the kitchen.

«Yo Maxie..I was just taking a nap in my room»,he excused.Rei raised his head from the book he was reading,and Tyson could see the worry in his golden eyes.»Are you ok,Ty?You have been napping a lot lately...you sure you get enough sleep?»Max frowned and gave a nod in agreement.

«Hes right ya know..you are pale.You sure you havent caught a bug or something?»

Tyson raised his hands mid air to shut them up.

«Im fine guys,no need to worry»,he grinned.Max flung an arm around his shoulders.»Wanna go grab some ice cream? Need to go on a sugar high!»Tyson forced a laugh and nodded.»Sure thing pallie»

Rei cast a worried glance after his buddies.He was concerned when it came to Tyson.The navyhaired boy had been so pale lately,somehow weak.He tried so hard during training not to show how tired he was,being near to the brink of exhaustion.Just standing straight after a battle gave him major trouble.He wondered what was going on with his mate.Rei suspected that he didnt get much sleep,he always seemed tired these days.He also suspected that Tyson was hiding something from them.But what?He would have to confort him later on.Because something was definitely wrong,and he knew it.

«Ty...you ok?»

Tyson forced a little smile and nodded.»Yeah Maxie..Dont worry,Im just a little tired.I didnt get much sleep last night»Max nodded in understanding.

«Sure..wanna go take a nap?»he asked,tilting his head to the side.Tyson grinned as best he could.Max took his hand and lead him back inside the house.

«Yo captain!Were going to take a nap!»Max called.Tyson stood like paralyzed when Kai raised his head and locked eyes with him.Those deep purple eyes..they were so piercing..like they could see right through his smile and lies.He lowered his head,fearing that Kai might reveal his secret if he held the gaze any longer.

«Whatever»,came the Russians monotone reply.Tyson felt his heart drop.Why would Kai care about what he did?The captain never seemed to care about anything else than his beyblade.Tyson didnt protest when Max tucked him in and lay down beside him.

«Nighty night!If I wake up before you,Ill just let you sleep on,ne?»

Tyson gave a little nod.Strangely enough,even though he was dead tired he couldnt seem to sleep.Max was sound asleep in the blink of an eye,a huge smile on his face.He sighed.It was admirable that the blonde boy could be so hyped up all the time and yet be so caring and kind when it came to other people,like his friends.Nothing ever seemed to damped his spirit.

Tyson could hear his heart pounding in his head.The roof seemed so far away.There was a numb ache in his chest that increased by every breath that he took.Why did he have to fall in love?To long for the one person he could never have..the one out of his league.Those purple eyes...Everytime he gzed into those pretty orbs he seemed to get lost in the intensity of their stare.It dreaded him so much that Kais eyes held no emotion.He didnt understand how his captain could be so...dull.His heart was frozen..like the Russian winters,he thought sadly.He knew that Kai had been through a lot by growing up at the Abbey.Tyson wanted to be the one to make him open up,to make him smile...

Smile..the word sure didnt seem to fit the bluehaired captain very well.But Tyson was certain that Kai had the most beautiful smile in the whole wide world.A shame that he would probably never see it though.

«I didnt expect you to be up at this time,Tyson»,he said with a smile as he walked into the kitchen.The navyhaired boy litherally jumped three feet into the air and turned towards him wide-eyed.

«Rei!You scared the shit outta me!»he whined,his hand covering hisheart.Rei chuckled.

«Sorry,that wasnt my intention»

He could barely keep the frown off his face,Tyson looked sick today aswell.What was going on with his friend?

«Ty..Are you certain that you are ok?You looked tired»

The other boy smiled and winked his hand in a dismissive move,wawing the whole thing off as nothing.

«Yeah yeah..just dandy,Ive just been sleeping badly lately»

Rei wondered what made Tyson unable to sleep...something wa definitely going on.As he walked over to Tysdon,he tried to hide something by shielding it with his body.Rei sneaked past him and burst out laughing when he saw...it.What Tyson had been trying to hide was a slice of bread with jam..only that the jam was shaped as the letters KAI.Tyson blushed in embarrassement.

«Um..I-I can explain!»he stuttered nervously.Rei shook his head,chuckling.

Tell me Ty..are you crushing on the captain?»

The navyhaired boy lowered his head,cheeks still as flushed and nodded.

"Yeah..kinda..A shame Ill never have him»

Rei placed a hand on his shoulder and shook his head.

«Dont say that...Dont give up on him,Tyson.Our captain may be cold as ice,but I am sure his heart must hold some emotion.After all..he is just human,like the rest of us.You just keep trying,ne?»

He had been watching the boy of his dreams closly for a while now.From behind his book,or on a distance he had kept an eye on the navyhaired boy.The others had just started to notice recently the change in the boys behaviour.He however knew that it had been going on for months...only now it had started to shine through.He didnt know what secret Tyson was keeping,though he had his suspicions.The way the delicate boy always looked so pale,the way he barely ate anything anymore or slept at all...Sometimes when wandering the house at night he would hear Tyson cry in his sleep.It was breaking his heart to listen to his love suffering.Why wouldnty he open up to them?He had been so weak lately,he could barely keep it going through a battle anymore.He knew very well that the boy was suffering from something.But he couldnt treat him differently from the rest of his team,a captain couldnt do that,Tomorrow he would challenge Tyson to a battle.If he lost,then he needed to be taken to the doctor..If Tyson won,then he wasnt quite sure what would happen yet.

**That was all for now...hope you would be kind enough to let me know what you think!I am afraid that this story will not be updated really often...cause I have a shitload of other stories to be working on,most of them not posted here,but on mediaminer.**

**Yours sincerly,Kanilla**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hiya guys!**

**I am thrilled to know that someone appreciated this story!**

**Minako Mikoto:you really think it is that great?aww,thank you!**

**Black Angel of Destruction:-XD-weeeell,here comes your update,enjoy!**

**kaifucker69:hrm,what is it with the nick?-XD-nah,I found it amusing...and hm,rei will be hinting and such,but he will not involve himself in the business kinda...haha,that convo you made in the rewiew was pretty funny!**

**LeVel27Guitar:hm...thanks lots for the nice compliment!And of course I will not kill off Tyson..then half the point would be wasted-sweatdropped-Cannot promise I will be ncie to him though-whistles innocently-**

**bottlecaps:omg,I love your nick!That has gotta be the cutest thing !**

**dearest sis and partner:-XD-yah,you were the first one to rewiew-smirk-and you was indeed the first one to read it beside me aswell-arches eyebrow-hehe,yah rewiew was kinda...pointless?But ya know..I love them all sis-lmao-**

**Other than you guys mentioend above,also thanks to:Kais the Best and feebeefi..did I forget someone?-XD-**

**I only own the plot,nothing else,kay?**

**-Chapter two-**

Kai knew that Tyson had left early in the morning.The boy had left no note,just...left.Simple as that.But he would be back for dinner though,he always was.But with Tyson out of the way and the others busy nothing was stopping him anymore.Making sure that no one saw him he opened the door to Tysons bedroom and slipped inside.The curtains were closed,letting no sunlight inside.He looked around,searching the bookshelf and the drawers without finding anything special.He didnt know what he was looking for...just something...

Sitting down on the bed he opened the bedsidetable,revealing a small,black book with a silwer heart on the front.Kai got this feeling that this book meant a lot to Tyson.Turning the first page something fell into his lap.His eyes widened when he tok closer look at it.The object was asmall metal razorblade.Brushing his fingers over it he found that the edge was indeed sharp.

_«Tyson...why do you keep this in your possession?»_he asked no one in particular,his voice barely a whisper.Placing the blade at the bedsidetable he turned a few pages,spotting the messy,typical boyish handwriting.There was a sting in his chest as he read the page,dated to three months ago.

_«Dear Diary_

_Kai lost his battle against Spencer today.I so badly wanted to strangle that fucking idiot for defeating my captain.I am glad to know that Kai is staying with us now...Witout him,well...we would all be lost.We all lean on him,trust him...And even though he wont let us close we are still his friends.It makes me sad that he is just a friend when I want him to be more than that»_

Kais heart was beating fast in his chest as he raised his head.He remembered that day very well.Tyson wanted him to be more than a...friend?Did that mean...It somehow seemed unbelievable that Tyson was in love with him.But as he read on the message became clearer.

_«Dear Diary_

_I am sorry that its been a while since last time.I have just been so busy laely,and Kai has been driving us so hard at pracitce.Sometimse I get the impression that he really is an emotionless bastard,carrying a heart of ice.In such times I so badly want to make him open up,to see him smile...»_

His face fell.Did Tyson really think that of him?That he was a bastard..?It hurt.Sure,he wasnt the most social guy in the world...but he did have feelings too.He just didnt know how to express them properly in front of others.It was so much easier to just hold the cold mask and keep every emotion out,they confused him.

_«Dear Diary_

_I dont know how much longer I can keep this going.Things have been hard lately,and I cant seem to find the courage to carry on with my little escapdae anymore.I went too far this time.If I hadnt gotten scared in the last moment I would have been dead now.The thought of never seeing Kai again was probably what saved me.And most likely I would end up in hell if I died.Mom used to tell me that only cowards commit suicide.But I am a coward,am I not?»_

It broke his heart to read what Tyson had written.Things were apparently worse than he had thought at firs...Or even imagined.Despite his ever so-smiling face Tyson seemed to have a really low self-esteem,thinking the worst about himself.And all this talk about suicide...and being a coward.He reached out his hand and carefully curled his fingers around the blade.He could feel the sharp edge put pressure on his skin,nearly making its way through.Suicide...Was Tyson using this blade to hurt himself?By...cutting his skin?His heart was throbbing rapidly in his chest,a strange dizzyness filling his head.His dragon...was hurting himself. Kai didnt know that he was crying until a teardrop hit his hand.

«Tyson...Why didnt you tell us?We could have helped you...»

He wiped away the tears on his cheeks and placed the book back where it belonged,the blade inside where he found it.He would have to do something before Tyson got worse...but could he take the leap.. and tell him that he was sin love?Time would show..just,he didnt have much time.

Tyson wanted to leave the table,leave their worried looks and frowns.They cared about him,he knew that..But he didnt want to have them digging into his business,it was important that they didnt know about his secret.If they found out...they would think he was a weakling,that he didnt deserve to be their friend.He didnt want that,he needed them so badly he couldnt find the words to say it even.And his memories...those were what kept him awake at night.He hated it when they flowed through his mind,showing him his every sin,every mistake he ever commited.Even that time when he...He shut down the trail of thoughts and concentrated on watching his captain again.

Kai wasnt eating today either.He was just shoving his food around the plate,apparently deep in thought.His eyes held a distant look,like he was far far away somewhere else.He wondered what Kai was thinking of.

They were just about to leave the table and do the dish-washing when Kai stood up,a determined look on his face,his hands on the table.

«Tyson..I challenge you to a battle»

He furrowed his brows.What was Kai thinking of?He wanted to battle him?There was something strange about the way he was looking at him right now.Tyson had never seen any emotion stir in those eyes before...But now..Could it be that he wanted to test him?He forced a grin and gave him the thumb up.

«Ay ay captain!Lemme just get my beyblade first»he stated and dashed off out of the room.He sat on his bed,Dragoon in his left hand.What should he do now?He wasnt strong enough to battle someone like Kai..Not in his current condition.But if he didnt do it,they would all start wondering why.So that left him with no choice really.With a sigh he stood up and walked out of the room.

Their every move was watched as they stepped up to the dish,their blades attached to the launchers.Max was cheering for Tyson,while Rei watched the navyhaired boy with concern written on his feline like face.He knew Tyson wasnt strong enough to stand out a battle against their captain.Kenny was sitting on the grass with his laptop,Dizzy in his lap.

His hands were sweaty as he waited for the signal to launch.Max counted down,and both bladers released their blades,starting to spin round and round at tremendous speed.Looking up he found that instead of keeping his eyes focused at his beyblade Kai was looking at..him.The fire in his eyes scared Tyson.It was almost as if the Russian knew his every secret and though.Why was Kai not attacking him?He knew Kai tended to end battled faster than you could say «cupboard».So...why was he dragging this out...?

«Dragoon,phantom hurricane!»

There was a little smirk on Kais face as he called out his beast for defense.So Tyson was putting everything into ending this battle fast..?Very well,Kai would drag it out,nemo problemo.He needed for Tyson to get weak from loss of power to prove that he was ill.Sparkls flew as their blades crashed together.

«Dranzer..come out and play»,Kai ordered firmly,the phoenix rising in all its might and glory from the beyblade.The spectators were puzzled to say the least.Kai was dragging it out,Rei realised with a frown.What was their captain trying to accomplish by stolling the outcome of the battle?

As time passed,Rei could see sweatdrops appear on Tysons forehead,see how he was struggling to keep it going.Looking to Kai he noticed the strange expression.Kai looked..sad somehow.His eyes widened as it dawned on him.Kai was trying to tire the navyhaired boy out,to make him admit defeat by powerdrain!So Kai did know that something was wrong with Tyson...He never would have guessed.

Tyson was starting to panic.Each encounter between their bit-beasts was draining him.Kai had to know something he wasnt supposed to be knowing,he concluded.Gathering his last strenght he decided that it was now or never.

«Dragoon,Final Attack!»he shouted.His vision blurred as his powers were transferred to his beast in order to carry out the attack.All he could see before he fainted was a sudden flash of light,then..nothing.

They watched in horror as the two opponents were flung away from the dish by the incredible amounts of powers being released.Tyson had already blacked out by the time that he hit the ground.Kai on the other hand had slammed into a tree,knocking his head and then loosing his consciousness.Neither of them moved for a moment,still in shock.Rei was the first to regain his senses,and he rushed to Tysons side.This was bad,he though.Tyson had completely emptied himself in that attack...He could be out for hours,or worse...days!

**Sorry that this was so short...gomen-takes a bow-**

**Until next time,bai bai!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hiya guys!**

**I cannot belive that...you really can be bothered to read this story...-sniffles-And this chapter especially goes to SangosKai...for all the pleads...hrm..I couldnt even be bothered to count how many "please" there wer ein that rewiew...**

**kaifucker69: I am the first to say anything at all about your nick?-O.O- woha...well,errrr...anyways, I dont know yet if there will be lemons..I may end up writing one...but I never am satisfied with the lemons I do write, they are all crappy.**

**bottlecaps: hehe, me still in love with your nick...how utterly kawai! Go ahead and ask any question...-lol- Why I made Tyson be the depressed one..? Cause I wanted to see him in a situation like this...and there are few ficcyes out there about this particular subject...And no, it was not to fit TyKa into it...that was originally not the idea at all...feh,I am confusing myself with this rambling..As to why I chose to make Tyson depressed...-shrug- it would be interesting I thought.**

**LeVel27Guitar: hehe..I like torturing anime characters...**

**Chibi:-lol-so I did surprise you then?- smirks slyly- well...feh,just read this chapter you...**

**Other than you guys mentioned above in the replies-points- also thanks to these folks: Kais the Best, feebeefi, Esty Estylla Ryou, Minako Mikoto, Mikin Ishida, royalphoenix.**

**And I do not own beyblade or the characters...I only own the plot.**

**-chapter three-**

Kai groaned as he woke up, his head throbbing painfully. He could barely see anything, everything was double. Where the fuck was he?

« I see that you are back with the living...»

He snorted and tried to sit up, only to end up his his head between his knees.

« Take it easy, it was quite some blow your head took back there»

Rei smiled at the sour expression on his captains face. He handed him a pill and a glass of water. Kai glared at him suspiciously.

« For your head...»

With a grunt he swallowed the pill, emptying the glass directly after.

« How is Tyson?»

Rei shrugged.

« We dont know yet..he is still out. But he has a fever,and Kenny wants to call for a doctor. I told him to wait a little longer though»

Kai nodded, rubbing his forehead with his thumbs to get rid of the aching pain inside his skull.

« I am worried about him Kai...he is ill»

« I know Rei...I know» Kai stated as he ignored his headache and stood up.

Rei had been right, he thought gloomily as he sat on the edge of Tysons bed. Tyson seemed so fragile between the sheets, they were pooling around him. His skin was deadly pale white, and Kai couldnt help but think that his mate was almost paler than Tala Volkov. He was still fully dressed. Kai reached out his hand, taking hold of Tysons in a light grip.

Suddenly he came to think about the razorblade he had discovered when he read Tysons diary. He had to find out the truth, he thought. Hesitantly he pulled the boys left arm closer to himself and rolled up the sleeve. A sigh of relief escaped his lips as he saw that the skin was fine, not a single trace of a scarr. _Wait a sec...Tyson was lefthanded, he would probably cut his right arm if that was the case._

Kai had his heart in his throat as he rolled up the other sleeve. He could swear there was a moment he stopped breathing at the sight. Tyson must have cut himself a countless number of times...he thought, not being able to count all the scarrs and marks that ran along his skin. Kai carefully brushed is fingers against the, tracing the lines. Some of them were pretty fresh, not completely healed yet. But the most recent one could barely be older than a couple of days...They looked like they ran deep too.

How had the boy been able to hide this from everyone..for so long? Tears welled up in his eyes as he rolled the sleeve back down to hide the scarrs. He would have to do something before Tyson hurt himself real bad...or maybe even killed himself. A knot formed in his stomach. He brushed some navyblue bangs out of Tysons face and sighed.

With a gasp he sat bolt upright in bed, eyes darting to every corner of the dark room. It was frightening to wake up like this and find that you were alone. And in this room aswell...pulling his knees up to his chest he sat taking deep breaths to calm down. Why couldnt he just forget what had happened back then? He had tried so hard to surpress the memories for such a long time now, but they came to haunt him in his deams at night. His feet were shaky as he stood out of bed and tried to stand, fever making him tremble badly. The floor felt cold against his knees and palms. Tears tung in his eyes as he crawled across the room to sit at a special spot, one known only by him. Fingers brushed over the rought wood, tracing lines that were long gone in the past.

« I miss you...why did you have to die on me?» he whisped in a thick voice, tears pressing their way out. He had never imagined that going back to live in this house could cause him such pain, he thought it had all been left behind after he made friends with the Bladebreakers. But apparently time didnt heal all wounds.

_-flashback-_

_« Tyson, well be friends forever right?» asked a small boy the age of nine with messy, darkgreen hair and a pairs of brilliant,purple eyes. Tyson hugged him and laughed._

_« Yuppers, of course we wil!»_

_« But what if your dad finds out about us? He told you before that he doesnt like boys being with boys ya know»_

_Tyson shook his head and flopped himself onto the bed, pulling the other boy with him._

_« I know...But Ill protect you from him with my beyblade, ne ne?»_

_The boy smiled childishly and lay down by his side, purple eyes sparkling happily._

_« Cause you love me..right Tyson?»_

_Tyson wrapped his arms around him and pecked his cheek._

_« Yeah, I love you Jason!_

_-end flashback-_

He held his head between his hands, tears streaming down in cheeks in rivers. He missed him so badly..Why did Jason have to die? Why? It was his fault for not being able to protect him too,his fault! he repeated over and over again in his head. He had even betrayed his first love by falling in love again..with Kai. This pain was unbearable, he couldnt take it. But his feet would not obey him when he tried to stand up and go back to the bed, and he sat there crying helplessly. If he could just get his razorblade..then he could end this pain and go see Jason in Heaven. He was certain that Jason must be up there...waiting for him. He longed for the meeting to take place.

Hoisting himself to a stand he took a step forward..and fell flat on his face. A sharp cry of pain was released as he knocked his elbow hard against the wooden floor. It was useless, he thought and stopped fighting to get up..he gave up his battle.The door opened,and Rei & Kai came bursting insde the room.

» Tyson! What are you doing on the floor? You should be in bed resting!» Rei said worriedly, kneeling down by his side. Tyson couldnt find his smile anymore. This time he had lost his mask somewhere, unable to take it back. He stayed passive as Kai lifted him off the floor and placed him on the bed. All he could do was to stare absently at the wall. Kai checked his pulse and heartbeat, finding that both were dangerously low and slow(rhyme!-lol-).

« Rei, go call for a doctor right away»

The neko jin nodded and left without another word. Kai placed Tysons head in his own lap and stroke his hair. The boy closed his eyes and sighed, the streams of tears stopped by now.

« Tyson..why were you crying when we came just now?»

No reply.

« And why havent you told us that you are suffering from depsression..? Cutting yourself is no good way to release ones emotions»

Those words made Tyson tense up, Kai could feel how the boy couldnt relax.

« You...read my...diary, did you not?» Tyson asked, voice bitter.

« Yes, I did. Last time I was in here I checked your arm..For how long Tyson?»

« Since I was..ten" the boy whispered, hands grabbing tightly hold of Kais army pants, eyes wet again.

« What made you do it? It surely must hurt..»

Tyson gave a nod,breathing slowly.

« A close friend of mine was killed that year, and I couldnt take it»

Kais eyes sadened. That friend must have been really close to drive the navyhaired boy into such a thing.

« You said he was killed...by who?»

**hahahahha...I am evil, I know...hrm,rewiew if you want the update! -waggles eyebrows-**


	4. Chapter 4

Hiiya!

First of all...I must thank all of you, especially Blue and Rae-Rae who left the most sincere and open-hearted rewiews I have ever gotten for any fanfic...You inspire me greatly!

Then...I do not own beyblade, only the twisted plot...

death:weeell..I normally dont leave cliffhangers cause I find it rude to torture the readers...but it seemed like a nice place to end the chapter.

Sybylle:yeeah...I like dark stories, so why not?

Draysgilr1: you kill me?-wide eyed-I would like to see you even try! hahaha, my Nicholas will protect me...

Asa ReMe:oh no! Dont die please?

frosticdranzergal:hehe...are we not all a little crazy then? I love being crazy...and mean...to the characters I mean.

Dark-She-Deivil: yah, I know my grammar is not the best around here...Blame it on the fact that I dont have any program that corrects my mistakes, I do not have a beta reader and I do not have English as my mother tongue-lol- Other than that I am quite proud of my skills.

Mikin Ishida: save Tyson? oh no I wont save him...just yet...he will suffer...-evil laughter-

Kimik0123: Is Kai not the sweetest?-lol-And yes, the fact that Ty was cutting himself had a great effect on Kai..poor boy, he even cried-sniffs- And I totally know that I am evil...

kaifucker69:Well...even if I think that my lemons suck that does not mean that I DONT read and write a lot of lemon..cause I do..I always try to improve-winks hand-So...I am absolutely No newbie-lol- But if I want help Ill ask for it.

Mini-Murderdoll:woha...take it easy buddie! Remember to breathe! And no..this chapter is pretty short for my standards-lol-

feebeefi:hm..then read and find out cause I will not say a word!-XD-

Subaru chan:I am glad you like it,enjoy!

Shihoko:really? I am THAT good? hehe, I will just say thanks then...

Moi:hey..dont be mad at me, I hate cliffhangers too!

Kais the Best:hm...read and find out I guess...

Chibi,my lil Chibi-lol-:I will tryyyy to get my part on the sequel done by the week...I am just being lazy, I know I know...

Rae-rae:hehe..I think I answered most of your questions...well,I replied to most of it in that mail,no? And rae-rae..are you being lazy with answering that mail from me or did you not get it? And how is our story coming to?

Blue:right now I cannot be bothered to write a long reply to your rewiew...sorry!-puppy dog eyes-But I am glad Rae-rae recommended my story...so we could talk together,cause I adore you,you are so nice! And no..I still have not read your story yet-sigh-I am lazy when on holidays you know...who is not? Anyways...hope we can stay friends!

-Chapter four-

Tyson really wanted to tell Kai what had happened back then, really wanted to open up and spill his secret. But it was hard, the secret had been held by him for a long time now. Kai noticed how he was hesitating.

« I wont tell anyone, your secret is safe with me»

The barriers he had been building broke in that moment and he sat up and flung himself at Kai, hugging him tightly despite the lack of strenght. Kai pulled him into his lap and held him close, patting his back.

« When I was little I had a best friend named Jason. We did everything together..we loved each other so much. My father hated the thought of having a gay son when he found out. One evening he caught us making out, and it became too much for him. So he grabbed Jason by the collar of his shirt and threw him to the floor...then he tied me to a chair and forced me to watch my friend get beat up»

He silenced, and Kai could fell the tears drip onto his neck, could feel hos badly the boy was shaking in his arms.

« Jason took a bad blow to is head...I think his skull cracked or something...cause I clearly remember this terrible sound. And then...there was blood Kai!Blood all over...I promised that I would protect him, I failed him...Its my fault that he died, my fault!» he stated and started hitting Kai on the chest with his fists. Kai grabbed him by the wrists and held him, hushing him. Tyson was too weak to fight back right now and went limp against him.

-the hospital-

He felt cold. Ice was filling his throat and chest by every breath he took. It was too hard to open the eyes and look around. He could tell that he was not alone, someone else was in the room with him...a intense gaze piercing him. He felt like sleeping, but was still awake. Where was he? This certainly wasnt his own bed, he could tell. His heart started beating real fast when he realised that...his arms were bare, he was wearing some kind of t-shirt. His right arm...if anyone saw his cuts...He was panicking.

Kai sat on the window ledge, watching the boy that was now stirring in his sleep. He placed his feet back on the floor and walked over to the hospital bed, sitting down on it. Tyson seemed to be regaining his consciousness. The doctors were unsure of how he was doing, or how fast he could recover. Tyson had driven himself to the point of collaps and it would take his body some time to regain its strenght. The lack of sleep, his depressions and his bloodloss over the last weeks...it had finally caught up with him it seemed like, Kai thought sadly.

Tyson was paler than ever before. And just with one glance you could tell that he was really ill. The red marks on his right arm told their own tale. He had told the others to stick around, but to leave him alone with the navyhaired boy for just a little while. Rei seemed to be the only one to udnerstand, a little smile coming to his lips as he persuaded the other to come along and get something to eat.

He dearly hoped Tyson would get better from now on. He knew it would be hard for the boy to get over his pain and hurt, to stop cutting himself. But this time..Kai would be there to help him get through it. He had to save Tyson from the fate that was awaiting him in the future if he kept this up...He had let people down so many times..he couldnt do it again.

Reaching out his hand he brushed some navy bangs out of the boys face, trailing his jawline with featherlight touches of his fingertips. He hoped for Tyson to wake up soon..he had been unconscious for hours now...

As if reading his thoughts Tyson opened his eyes to look at him, the look to them clouded from both fever and sickness. His lips parted, but no sound would emeerge from his throat. Kai flashed him a little, rare smile and sighed in relief.

« Thank God...I thought you would stay asleep forever...»

He could see how uneasy Tyson felt at the moment, both embarrassed...and ashamed? Or was it scared? Tyson covered his scarrs with his left hand, closing his eyes again. Kai took the hint and tucked the boy in with the covers, hiding the red marks on his skin. It was obvious that Tyson wanted to ask why he was here. He didnt like hospitals very much, as neither did Kai.

« The doctors say that it will take you some time to recover...Youll probably be fine in a little more than a week or so they assume».

« Home...wanna..go..home»

« I know you do..but you are sick, Tyson. You have to stay here for a little longer...Just a couple of days, then you can go back home again,ok?»

A nod.

Tyson couldnt help but wonder why Kai was acting so nice to him. His captain had never smiled in his prescence before...He could clearly recall what had happened before he fainted, how he had been crying while telling Kai of his secret. To think that Kai had smiled at him made his heart jump in his chest with joy. Maybe there was hope still? Hope that the phoenix somehow felt something for him in return? All he really wanted to was to ask the question...but his voice seemed to have left him, he couldnt say a word at all. So he stuck to just watching his crush, taking in the handsome face, the deep purple eyes. If he ever had Kai...as his own he would never ask for anything ever again, he promised himself. 


	5. Chapter 5

**hm...This is a fairly long chapter...to make up for the last one and the fact that I am going away for two weeks on Friday.I do not know when my next update will be...But we will see about that.**

**I do not own beyblade...only the plot and the poor boy Jason-sniffs-**

**frosticdranzergal: oh my...you did not really think I would end the torture here, did you now? A snowballs chance in hell for that...just you wait..this chapter may be happy and so on...but later on it gets gloomy and goodie good again-lol-I actually did not think of making Kai go out with him..but thanks for the idea, I will use it later on!**

**Thanks a bunch guys for the rewiews!**

**-Chapter five-**

It had been strange to come back home...and awkward to meet the others again. While in the hospital he had refused to let anyone but Kai see him. They had of course been a little disappointed, thinking that he didnt want their company. But that was not it, Rei knew it. Tyson was probably just too ashamed of himself to face them.

Tyson had felt so stupid when he entered the sitting room and was faced with his teammates again. They all turned their heads in his direction, eyes holding curious looks as they wached him closely. Max had been the one to break the ice by running over to glomp his best friend.

« TYYYY!» he squealed and hugged him tightly. Tyson wrapped his arms weakly around him in return and gave a little smile. Max seemed so happy just to have him back.

They let Tyson sit down on the couch, asking if he wanted or needed anything at all. He flashed a grin and told them that some real food would have been nice. Hospital food was crap, he said, making them all laugh at that.

Kai stood in the doorway,watching his love fool around with their friends. Rei left the others alone to go talk to him, a thoughtful look ok his face.

« Hi...How is he doing really?» asked Rei.Kai shrugged.

« I dont know...He pretends to be ok, but I know he aint...But I think he feels a little better though. He has been smiling more and more recently»

Rei gave a nod in understandingand smiled slightly as he watched Max, Kenny and Tyson. He crossed his arms, leaning on the doorway.

« You know..Tyson needs someone to take care of him...As long as he has someone by his side that cares for him, hell be just fine».

Kai arched an eyebrow lazily at him as if to ask what he meat by saying that. Was Rei hinting to something he ought to know? The neko jin winked his hand, a smug look on his face.

« Think through what I just said,Kai. Tyson wont be the one to take the first step you know»

That comment left him speachless. Did Rei know about it aswell?Damn...His friends apparently picked up more than he gave them credit for...Maybe Rei was right. Maybe he should take the step and tell Tyson of his feelings soon. With that thought in mind he left the room behind to go take a shower.(-drools badly-)

They all treated him just like before, as if nothing had happened...as he had never ended up in the hospital because he collapsed from being exhausted. He appreciated that..If they were to start asking questions and try to pry his secrets out of him he wouldnt be able to handle it. He was glad that they still treated hinm like their friend..like Tyson and not someone who was ill, someone who had mental troubles.

He didnt think the others knew about him cutting himself...It appeared that only Kai knew so far. His captain had done everything he could to hide it from the rest of the team. Tyson smiled weakly at the thought. Kai helping him out..It was weird to think of really. His captain apparently wasnt as lacking of emotions as he had thought in the first place.

He pulled his knees up to his chest and hugged them, making himself small in his bed. It was impossible to not feel lonely in this room, to get flashbacks from his childhood. Maybe he should get another room to stay the nights in for a while...But that would be wrong too...To leave this rooom, the one he had had all of his life, he didnt think he would be able to sleep elsewhere, or not sleep as well as he did here. Besides...this was where he felt closer to Jason than anywhere else in this house.

He could remember how they had used to play tag in the halls, how they had ended up rolling on the floor when they had a play fight...how they had used to hide when Tysons father wanted Jason to go home for the night. They were all treasured memories..and he dreaded them for being nothing but..memories. There would be no more running in the halls with his friend, no more hiding from his dad..no more nothing, he thought sadly, a lump forming in his throat.

He couldnt spend this night on his own...He needed to stay with someone. Placing his feet on the floor he stepped out of bed and quietly sneaked out of his room. Where to go? Max would just be glad to share his bed..but Max wasnt the one he wanted to see...Rei wouldnt mind either of course, neither would Kenny. But the one he really wanted to stay with was Kai..so thats where he was headed.

He knocked the door twice, afraid that he might interrupt something. Kai was probably asleep at this time of night..but it was worth a try. But the door opened, and he was standing face to face with his captain. Tyson fidgeted on his spot, feeling clearly nervous over doing this.

« Shouldnt you be asleep, Tyson? It is late...»

« Um...I know, sorry if I woke you up or anything, I just cant sleep...Do you mind if I stay with you?»

Kai moved aside and let him in. Tyson smiled a little once inside. He had actually never been to Kais room in this house before...Oh well, not after Kai started using it of course. Before it had used to be a guest room for visitors to have whenever they slept over. It was tidy, as you could expect from Kai Hiwatari, and Tyson sat down on the bed. Kai yawned and rubbed his eyes.

« I was just about to go to bed...you can have the bed if you want to..I can sleep on the floor»

Tyson was about to open his mouth to reply when he noticed that Kai was only wearing his black boxers. His eyes ran up and down the muscular legs, the firm chest, the...ok, stop that train of thoughts before it ends up somewhere you dont want it to, Tyson scolded himself and swallowed once. He shook his head, twiddling thumbs as he spoke again.

« I was kinda hoping that we...could share your bed?»

Kai arched an eyebrow at him in surprise,then gave a nod.

«...You sleep by the wall,I hate being stuck...»

Tysons heart skipped a beat in joy at the words, and he lay down with his back almost against the wall, his head on one of Kais pillows. It smelled good, he thought as he inhaled the masculine scent of his crush. But then again, everything about Kai was just so...perfect. Tyson pulled off his shirt, pants and socks, leaving him in his boxers aswell. Kai lay with his back against him.

Tyson curled up, feeling a little more content now that he had company. Back then he had used to sleep in the same bed as Jason during winter when it got cold, or when either of them had a nightmare and sought the company of each other. He missed those nights. Biting down his tears and sobs he squeesed his eyes tight shut to avoid crying. He felt like crying right now. But if he did..Kai would probably think he was weak, because he was...one weak, litle idiot for certain.

Kai was about to drift off to dreamland when a whimper disturbed his peace. A frown appeared on his face as he realised that Tyson must be the one whimpering. He turned around to face his friend,s eeing the frown and sad look on the others face. Was he depressed again?

« Tyson..?»

Brown eyes opened, tears in them. The boy rubbed his eyes and sniffled, apologizing for crying. Kai shook his head to say that it was ok, giving a little smile at the same time. Tyson stared at him innocently, looking so naive at the moment. Kai felt like hugging him...though that was not one of the things he usually would do. So he pulled Tyson close and wrapped his arms around him, earning a little eep-ing sound from him.

He couldnt believe it..Was Kai actually holding him..? His mouth went dry again as his face was pressed against the young mans chest. The Russian really did smell good, he thought and snuggled closer. Maybe tonight he would be free of nightmares...There was a little smile on his lips as he fell asleep.

Kai ran his fingers through the boys hair, separating the rich strands and twirling them around his fingers. To know that Tyson had come to him for comfort...it felt nice. Normally he would have thought that the navyhaired boy would go to see his best friends, either Max or Rei. But he had come to Kai..That meant something, did it not? He knew Tyson was in love with him.

**If you can be bothered, please do go read the story I am writing with Armith Greenleaf on her account named Fiat Lux. I promise that it is worth the time it takes to read the chapters posted so far, kay? And Fell free to leave a rewiew for us to read...**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hiya!**

**Back from vacation with another chapter for you readers to...err,read?**

**And thanks for the rewies guys,they make me happy..and not to complain or anything...**

**but you think you could make the rewiews say a little more than oh,good chapter-update soon?**

**pweaseeee?-lol- you write what you wish though.**

**I do not own beyblade...or the characters...**

**-Chapter six-**

Kai was the first to wake up in the morning the following day. He felt so warm and comfortable when he woke up, an arm draped over his chest, legs wrapped around his waist closely. He smiled a little as he turned his head to look into the face of the sleeping boy by his side. Tyson hadnt looked this peaceful in weeks, he knew how troubled his dragon had been lately...or for years rather. From this point on...Kai would look after him, he wouldnt allow Tyson to do anything stupid.

As he moved Tyson stirred in his sleep, opening his eyes to blink sleepily a couple of times. He let out a jawcracking yawn and smiled happily. He noticed Kai staring at him and instantly let go of his waist, removing his arms. Kai shook his head and moved closer to him, lacing their fingers together, earning a wide eyed stare from the younger.

« Kai..?»

« Why did you remove your arm? I was feeling warm and comfortable...And I dont feel like leaving bed just yet..» he said with a little smirk playing on his lips. Tyson blinked at him for a moment before his face broke into the first real smile Kai had seen for ages, not faked at all. The boy wrapped his arms around Kais neck and snuggled closer, his face pressed against Kais neck. He could feel the pulse throbbing within the pale skin, could feel the warmth streaming from his captain.

« Why do you want me to stay, Kai?»he asked with a slight tremble to his voice.

« Because I like your company...and I want to make sure you wont do anything..stupid»

Tyson felt embarrassed at those words. Did Kai..really like him in return? It made his heart skip a beat from joy. If Kai liked him..then maybe they could be together? He so badly needed someone by his side, someone to pull him back from the edge he was walking when he got too close to tripping and and falling.

« Do you..like me Kai?»

« Yes»came the simple reply.

« I like you too...»

« I know»

« Yah..youve read my diary...» Tyson pouted. For the first time in years he felt happy, knowing that someone loved him...Ok, his team loved him too, but not that kind of love, that was not it. Kai liked him,as more than a friend! Maybe now..he could finally get over Jason and start over again? And stop cutting himself...

Kai put an arm around his shoulder and held him close to himself, smiling at how the boy sighed happily and buried his face in his bare chest. He had to admit..it was nice to have Tyson close like this. Why hadnt he been able to admit his feelings before?

« Tyson..I want you to promise me something»

« Anything..as long as you stay with me»

« Never ever cut yourself again, ok?»

Tyson tensed visibly in his arms, and Kai could feel his heart beating faster through their close contact. Why was he hesitating..?

« I-I dont k-know if..if I can Kai...I have been doing it for so long, and it is so hard to not...»

Kai hushed him and placed a finger to his lips.» Ill help you...If you harm yourself that way, I will do the same to myself..understood?»

A weak nod.

« And you dont want me to get hurt, do you now?»

« No...» came the quiet voice.

Everyone raised their heads when Kai and Tyson entered the kitchen, and they were greeted with friendly smiles and a nice, warm breakfast. Tyson smiled slightly as Rei handed him a plate of bacon and eggs.» Dig in,you probably ned it pal»

They didnt need to ask him twice about that, Tyson was starving..he hadnt felt this hungry for ages...It was strange how little it took to throw a human mind into total chaos...Just to know that Kai liked him made him feel better again, made him feel worth something...It felt good.Maybe things would get betetr from this point on? He hoped so...

Kai sat beside Rei on the couch, boredly flipping through the channels to see if he found anything interesting. No such luck though...they were just sending crap tonight. The neko boy flashed him an amused smirk as Kai thrwe the remote control away and made a pouty face.

« Bored, are we now?»

« Noo..what gave you the fucking clue, smartass?» he replied sharply, making Rei laugh.

« The pouty look on your face...How are things between Tyson and you?»

He glared dangerously at his teammate. What was that of Reis business anyways? But looking into those golden eyes he realised that Rei was only concerned about how Tyson was dealing with his stress and depressions.

« Fine...he has been smiling a lot...smiling for real» he replied shortly.

It was true..Tyson had been acting differently. He slept in Kais room, as if Kai could chase his every nightmare away, his every bad memory. Kai didnt mind to have the nayhaired angel sleeping beside him..he loved Tyson, he just didnt have the courage to tell him yet. It had been a little more than aweek since the first time Tyson came to his room, scared and in need of comfort. Kai didnt regret that he had told Tyson that he liked him, seeing how happy the Dragon was with that.

He just hoped that Tyson would be able to overcome his fears and past..and be content with what he had now, stop living in the past.

Tyson laughed softly at the joke Max just made, giving his pallie a friendly slap on the back. This almost felt like...he didnt know how to put it in words, but it felt as if he had started all over again. He still felt sort of gloomy, but assumed that was just out of pure habit. He had been gloomy, suicidal and depressed for years now...it had become a part of his being to feel down. To know that he had Kai...it was probably what had saved him, to know that someone loved him like that. He stopped in his tracks at seeing his captain and love, his face going all nervous. Max grinned slyly and chuckled as he walked away. eaving the two of them to themselves. Kai motioned for him to come and sit on the couch too, and so he did, without a word.

He felt in a state of bliss as he curled up on Kais lap,hugging the older boy tight to himself. Kai smiled slightly at the needy boyfriend he had and placed a kiss on top of his head. For being such a cold guy Kai sure was treating him gently. Tyson loved his featherlight touches, his smell...he loved everything about him. He hoped his happiness could last this time. As Kais lips locked with his in a soft kiss he came to think about something..this was his first kiss since Jason died. The kiss deepened as Kais tongue eased into his mouth without him protesting. This felt..a bit wrong. He placed his hands to Kais chest and pushed him away carefully, breaking their kiss.

« Dont..please..it doesnt feel right» he muttered, looking shamefully down at his own hands. Kai nodded and pulled him close, letting Tyson curl up in his lap.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hiya!**

**Back with another chapter...Hm, the new rule does not allow me to reply to rewiews. But if you have any pressing questions or matters to discuss with me about this fanfic, then send me a mail, I will answer if I get any. And a certain Chibi of mine actually managed to guess what was going to happen in this chapter...hm...**

**Disclaimer: I do not own beyblade or the characters of this anime. Only my plot.**

**-Chapter seven-**

Who was he decieving...? He knew deep within himself that he was only stooling what was to happen sooner or later anyway. He felt despair overwhealm him, tears coming to his eyes. He had been together with Kai for two weeks now...and it felt wrong to be so happy, it felt wrong to be content. Why was he doubting himself..? He knew Kai would be there for him...But it wasnt about Kai, it was about himself, he was the one at fault. He didnt deserve this happiness, it was his fault that Jason died back then! he thought desperately. His hands were shaking as he gripping the sink hard, gasping for air. He needed to...find his release again, it had been too long since last time. Slipping a hand into his pocket he took out his treasured, yet hated razorblade and held it up in front of himself.

« I am sorry Kai for being so weak...I cant stand this gloominess and pain anymore» he whispered in a thick voice.

He felt frustrated at the fact that Tyson had been avoiding him all day. Not to mention that he was acting funnily to, refusing to look Kai in the eye or even speak to him. Bedtime was past, and Tyson should have been here..with him long time ago by now. He lay on his side with eyes closed, waiting for his boyfriend. The room was completely dark and he noticed it instantly when a gleam of light slipped inside as the door opened. Tyson snaked his way over to the bed, and Kai lay listening to him as he pulled off his pants. The boy was about to creep under the covers when Kai grabbed him by the arm and pushed him down onto the bed, holding him firmly by the wrists.

« Okay..tell me whats going on with you» he demanded. Tyson looked scared, eyes wide and watering already. He shook his head fiercly, biting his bottom lip.

« Tell me...I do have a right to know, Im your boyfriend Tyson»

The boy said nothing...just lay staring up at him with those eyes. Kai noticed that beyond the fear there was..pain, the corner of his mouth twitching from being in pain. Kais eyes wandered to where he was holding Tysons wrist, and he squeesed harder, making the other cry out.

Kai refused to let him get away as he struggled hard and he forcefully rolled up the sleeve of Tysons right arm, revealing a bandaged arm with stains of blood on it.

« Take it off...Youre gonna show me what you have done to yourself,Tyson»

He obeyed, slowly unwrapping the bandage.now completely removed. Kai could see three deep cuts marking the pale skin. Kai stared in disbelife for a moment before a low growl emmited from his throat.

« I thought you wwere supposed to quit this madness...You know what will happen now right? Give me your razorblade» Kai said firmly,holding out his hand. Tysons eyes widened even more if possible, his bottom lip trembling badly.

« W-why?»

« I made a promise Tyson...I intend to keep my promise...Get it for me now!»

Kai took a deep breath as he held the sharp metal blade in his right hand, steadying himself before placing it to his own arm. Tyson watched in horror as it cut through skin, blood seeping from the wound. Kais face was a stony mask, no expression displayed. His eyes showed the pain he was going through though. He wanted to shout at Kai to stop torturing himself, to leave it..But it then dawned on him that Kai had to be feeling this way...when he found out that he was cutting himself..hurting himself like that. He thought his ribcage might burst from how hard his heart was pounding in his chest, the blood throbbing in his head.

Kai removed the blade and released a sigh. Three deep cuts were now visible on his skin, and the blood was pouring from them into the sink. He glanced sideways at Tyson, seeing how the boy had palened, looking horified by his actions.

« Do you realise it now? When you hurt yourself...you make me feel so helpless, you make me want to cry because I cant help you...do you understand now how it makes me feel Tyson? Do you?»

Tyson gave a weak nod, head hanging in defeat.» Yes..I understand...»

As the days passed, Tyson still felt guilty for betraying the trust and faith Kai had put in him. He felt as if he had done something really wrong, and it got harder and harder to keep the smile in place. He was deep in thought as Rei sat down beside him, crossing his legs and tilting his head to the side.» Ty..? How are you doing?»

« Hm..? Oh, I didnt notice you..I was just thinking, and Im fine pallie» he said and flashed one of those cheesy grins at his comrade.» Are you certain..? You have a gloomy aura following you around»

« Gloomy aura? You gotta be kidding, Im okay Rei...Dont worry about me!» he said with a laugh. He must have conveinced his mate, because Rei nodded and turned his head to watch the television. He wanted to sigh in relief. In fact, he wasnt feeling all too great to say the least. To have Kai as his boyfriend was something he had dreamed of, somehting unreal..and now that he finally had him he was so scared to take the wrong step and drive him away. Lovve was such a frail and breakable thing, easily shattered by just a wrong word or move. He felt that Kai would be better off without him somehow, that he was only dragging the Russian under with his depressions and troubles.

But Kai..was smiling, he smiled only for Tyson. That in itself was enough to make him feel lucky to have such a wonderful guy as his own...it was enough to make him feel loved. What had he done to deserve this love? Nothing..He broke his promise, he hurt himself and that way ended up hurting Kai...He had hurt him both physically and mentally, and he couldnt stand it. Fear and guilt was eating him from inside slowly, making his daily life a living hell. And it was so damn hard to hide it from the others...He could barely get himself together and gather his strenght enough to face them at breakfast. They knew he was struggling with his problems, but they said nothing and treated him as they always had done, showing him that he was still the same person in their eyes.

His team belived in him...they belived he could make it through. But could he really? He had opeend up to Kai,but it was hard not to retreat to the shell again, it was so damn hard to keep his fingers of the razorblade. Kai had been checking his arm every night this week, making sure he had not cut himself any more. Tyson always felt embarrassed when Kai ran his eyes over the pale, scarred skin. He felt so ugly. Someone like him just didnt deserve Kai..the great Phoenix.

He left the living room and Rei behind, feeling tears overwhealm him. He needed to find somewhere quiet and safe awayf rom the others, and settled with his bedroom. Tyson curled up in a corner of the room, his shoulders shaking uncontrollably as he sobbed into his arms. He didnt deserve love or friendship, he thought bitterly, biting his bottom lip hard enough to make the blood trickle down his chin. The despair becmoning too much for his fragile mind he drove his fist into the wall with full strenght, letting out a little cry as pain sore through him. Tears splattered onto his cheeks as the kncukles was driven into the wall again and again. In the end the knuckles split open, blood ripping.

Tyson was gasping for air was he went limp, hugging his wounded fist tight. He couldnt tell how long he had been hitting the wall like that..but it hurt so badly and he couldnt do anything about it either. His crying stopped, his eyes went blank and he lay on the floor, his bleeding hand by his side.

« Tyson! What have you done?» asked a scared voice. Next thing he knew he had arms wrapped around him hugging him close. He felt empty after crying all those tears.

« What have you done to yourself...?» Kai asked softly in a voice that held love and caring.

« L-let go of me!» he whimpered, trying to push his love away with his undamaged hand. Kai looked at him puzzled, raising his chin for their eyes to lock.» No...I wont let you keep hurting yourself, Ty...I love you, please dont do this, kay?»

Tyson broke free and crept away from his boyfriend, puffy cheeks still moist from the tears he had shed. He shook his head frantically, cluthing the damaged hand to his chest.

» I dont deserve you..I am ugly, I dont want you to look at me!» he squealed.

« Stop this madness! How can you say such things?» Kai growled and moved closer, making Tyson whimper and back up against the bed. When he couldnt back away anymore he sat with eyes wide and stared at him. Kai grabbed him by the wrist and held him firmly, staring him straight in the eye.

« You are N.O.T ugly..you hear me? I love you for who you are...stop this»

He sighed as Tyson started struggling again and pulled him close, rocking him. The resistance stopped and Tyson clung to him instead, holding on for dear life as he buried his face into Kais shoulder for comfort.

« We have to wrap you up Tyson...Ill go get some bandages, kay?»

Tyson gave a weak nod and sat there limply as Kai left, feeling ashamed as never before.

**If anyone feel like reading a fanfic where Kai is worth drooling over for real...Then go visit the profile of Armith Greenleaf and click on the story named Fiat Lux. Trust me, I am not being cocky when I say it is a great fanfic. That story is co-written by me and her. Adios until next time readers.**

**-Kanilla & Nicholas-**


	8. Chapter 8

**Yiihey!**

**Back with another chapter I am! And certainly in a good mood today-O.O- I cannot believe I got as many rewiews for last round as I actually did. Forever grateful I am to my fans( wow...I really have a couple of fans...freaky...) and other readers! Hope you are having a nice time because you deserve to for being nice to me!**

**I think I forgot to put in a warning in the first chapters about self-injury...hehe...Oh well...Those who wanna read reads it...and those wo dont they dont.**

**I do not own beyblade, only the plot.**

**-Chapter eight-**

Kai had been keeping a close watch over his younger boyfriend over the past days, never letting him out of sight. Even if he stayed too long in the bathroom Kai would knock on the door to ask what he was doing. Tyson thought he was overdoing it...a little bit, though he understood the reasons. Kai didnt want to loose him. He didnt trust Tyson enough to leave him alone. Most of all Tyson wanted to trust himself but knew he couldnt. Maybe if he had a little faith in himself he wouldnt feel so out of place and weak. He was starting to get claustrophobic from being watched all the time. As often as he could he would go to the bathroom to spend a few minutes on his own.

Tonight Kai wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close for warmth, and Tyson snuggled up against him. He had litherally moved into Kais room as most of his clothes were all over the floor and desk in there now, his stuff spread all over. Kai had cleared his throat and nodded his head towards the mess earlier today, and Tyson had grinned sheepishly before snatching a kiss from the Russian.

He lay perfectly still as Kai fell asleep, his breathing becoming heavy with every inhale of air. He didnt dare close his eyes...nightmares had haunted his dreams for the past nights and he didnt want to tell Kai. He was loosing sleep again though, and it would soon enough start to show. He had started loosing his apetite and was constantly feeling tired. But anything was better than being asleep, where the dreams could attack him and pull him under with their might.

« Why do you even bother to love me?» he asked the sleeping figure holding him close.

» I will only let you down anyway...»

His eyes were blank with the hollow sorrow that was filling up his chest slowly and painfully, and it was killing him from the inside until he knew he couldnt take it any more. There were no tears to cry though, no release for him to find in their salty moist. He wished he could just cry and be over and done with it, that he could stop bottling these feelings up for such a long time, it only made it worse.

As quietly as possible he slipped out of those protective arms and left bed. He couldnt stand the warmth anymore, it was driving him insane. Not to mention that he was getting sleepy lying there..He didnt want to sleep, he didnt want for those nightmares to come haunt him again. He needed to be left alone, to find peace.

« Jason...Im so sorry I couldnt protect you...I miss you so much!» he whispered, voice thick from the tears he was trying to hold back. He opened the door and stepped into the cold dark of night, feet bare against the cool grass. Then he started to run. He ran as he never had before, ran as fast as he could...intending to get as far away from the dojo as possible, to get as far away from Kai as possible.

Finally when he couldnt take it anymore he stopped and fell to the ground, feeling exhausted after running for ages. He lay panting hard on the wet grass with eyes staring up at the veiled stars. Not even they would keep watch over him tonight, he thought sadly as his eyelids became heavy and dropped.

« Guys? Have any of you seen Tyson today?» asked Max in a worried voice, his babyface showing off his worry aswell. They all looked at him in wondering, then remembered that neither of them had seen the navyhaired boy all day and it would soon be noon.

« No...Kai, was he with you when you woke up?»

« No...I figured he had gone to eat breakfast or something» replied the bluenette quietly,f eeling himself get worried too. Where was his boyfriend?

« Ill go look for him»he stated in a low voice that yet caught everyone attention and left the room.

« What if he has hurt himself badly or something..? What if he got run over by a car? What if..»

« Kenny, shut up!» growled Max and threw a nasty glare at the anxious boy with the glasses. Kenny sighed and shut his mouth, sinking further into the couch in despair. They were dead worried about Tyson..Kai had been out looking for three hours now, where had the navyhaired boy gone off to?

They were almost about to get driven mad by worry when the door burst open and Kai came walking inside, Tyson in his arms.

« Tyson!» Max almost yelled and ran over to check on his best friend, looking with love and concern up at Kai, then back at the unconscious figure. He ran his fingers over Tysons pale face and withdrew them with a sad face.

« He has a fever...Where did you find him?»

«In the park,he was lying on the grass»

« The rain was pouring down tonight...no wonder he has a fever if he spent the night out in the storm...We should get those clothes of him» Rei stated and stood up, putting away the book he had been trying to concentrate on. Kai nodded and walked to the bedroom of his, the others following like a tail behind him. Tyson was placed on the bed, clothes were removed until he was only wearing his blue boxers. They tucked him in and Rei insisted on making some soup for the sick boy so he could eat a little when he woke up.

Max sat on the edge of the bed and Kai figured it was better to leave the blonde to have some time with his best friend. Max had been just as worried as he had..it was only fair, he thought and closed the door behind him when he left to join Rei in the kitchen.

The neko was finding the stuff he needed from the fridge when Kai sat down by the kitchen table. He flashed a little smile and told Kai not to worry, Tyson would be fine. Not another word was said as Rei cooked the soup and Kai stared out the window, feeling dreaded at the grey, stormy clouds covering the suns warmth and light.

« Sometimes I wonder...»

Rei raised his head from the food and looked at him puzzled.

« About what Kai?»

« If I can ever help him get better...I dont know if I can,Rei»

« Shush..of course you can! The thing he needs the most right now is you. Without you I doubt that he will get well anytime soon»

« Maybe...I dont know anymore. He cant stop hurting himself...not even for me»

Rei sighed softly and left the cooking food for a moment to sit down by Kai on another chair. He placed a hand on his captains shoulder. He wasnt surprised when Kai said that, Rei had sort of been expecting Tyson to do self-damage.

« You see...the thing about self-harming and depression Kai...It takes time. If Tyson is doing himself harm you cant just expect him to stop because you want him to. He needs to make the choice, he needs to be willing to get better. As long as you push him he will only feel the pressure build and that will in the end probably force him to go on with it...Let him take the time he needs..We will all be here for him you know»

Rei smiled brightly at the bluenette and gave a nod when Kai looked at him curiously. Kai would be Tysons saviour, he knew it would be that way. Back in China he had used to know a girl who hurt herself by pulling her hair and biting herself, tearing her skin open with her fangs. She had been pushed around by the people she loved, they were trying to force her into stopping the «madness» as they so gently put it. In the end she had winded up in the hospital...and they never tried to rush her again. As far as he knew she was better nowadays than she had been back then.

They both looked up as Max came into the kitchen along with Kenny, a look of hope upon Kais face. Max shook his head and jumped onto the desk to sit there and watch Rei make food.

« Maybe you should go stay with him for a while Kai? Maybe the sound of your voice can make him come back to us...» Kenny suggested. Kai gave a nod and stood up, making his way past the short boy out of the room.

« Is Kai alright?»Max asked.

« He will be..dont worry» Rei assured him and smiled to himself. As long as Tyson and Kai had each other they would manage..somehow.

Kai sat on the edge of the bed, patiently watching Tyson sleep, his chest rising and falling in a steady rythm. He hadnt uttered a single word since he entered the room, his voice was gone at the moment. His fingertips brushed over Tysons hand lightly, making circles on his pale skin before moving on to touch his own arm, the place he knew his cuts were healing and fading to become scarrs. It had costed him nothing to do that, but he hadnt liked it at all. It hurt, and it was hard to understand why Tyson was willing to do such a thing to himself, to slice his own skin...It seemed so wrong. But for as long as it took he would stand by his boyfriend to make sure he got through with it.

« Kai...sorry»

He almost jumped at the sound of the voice.

«Its okay Tyson... Just dont do it again. Rest and get well now»

« Youre not angry with me then?»

« No, just curious at why you did it»

« I couldnt sleep and needed to be alone»

« I understand that...But you neednt go outside in the pouring rain»

Tyson looked away, blushing shamefully. Kai said nothing when he withdrew his hand and balled it up into a closed fist. « I needed to do it...I needed to go outside Kai»

« If you say so...Tyson?»

« Yeah?»

« One day you will be free of the razorblade, I know you will...And I intend to be there that day by your side, and all the way before that. You understand that right?»

« I-I..think I do»

« Good, now go back to sleep, you have a fever»

**A fairly long chapter, dont you agree?**

**Yours sincerly, Kanilla & Nicholas**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hii!**

**Here I am back with chapter nine this time...Thanks a bunch for all the lovely and encouraging rewiews guys(girls)! **

**You helped me reach the big hundred!**

**I do not own beyblade or the characters of this anime, as I do not own the lines of the song sung here...That belongs to Three Days Grace, a fab group!**

**Chapter nine**

Tyson closed his eyes again and sighed. What had he done to deserve anyone like Kai to be his? He did not understand it...He was a nothing, and despite that Kai had chosen to be with him. The thought should have made him happy, but it didnt. He had only caused his captain to worry about him, caused him hurt by breaking promises. He wanted to pour out all his troubles and inner thoughts, but it was so complicated to open up and actually tell. Especially when the one he wanted to tell was his boyfriend and captain. What if Kai thought he was insane and pushed him away? No, he had better keep his thoughts to himself, even if it ate him alive from the inside to do so. He knew Kai belived in him, believed that he could be free. But Tyson didnt. Right now he had trouble seeing a future in where he didnt bring harm to himself in any way. It felt so wrong yet so right to do it, what reasons were there to stop now?

« Is he really doing okay Kai? Everytime he thinks no one sees him he looks so sad and down..» said Rei worriedly, pulling his knees up to his chest. Kai shook his head.

« There is something up, but everytime I try to talk about it he just smiles and says that he is fine...He has not cut himself yet though, thats probably a good sign»

« And Kai? Dont be mad at him if he does cut himself...Remember what I told you?»

« Of course...But it feels wrong to sit back and let him do it, I wanna help him»

« I know Kai, I know...»

Rei felt so sorry for Kai at that moment. He looked so lost, like some little child. It was hard on Kai to have to deal with Tyson, it was tiring him out aswell. Rei could only hope that they could both make it through. He would do anything to see that happen, to see them both happy. It appeared that right now Kai could need some comfort.

«Come here Kai...You need to relax a bit and take it easy. Stop worrying all the time", he said and wrapped his arms around his captain, hugging him close. Kai didnt protest and let the neko boy run his fingers through his thick, bluish hair, let him pat his back and hold him close as if he was a little child. It felt pretty nice, he had to admit. Usually he would be the one to do this to Tyson when he was scared or alone...and to have Rei comforting him felt strange, but wonderful.

The neko let go of him and smiled. « Feeling better?»

He nodded and gave a tiny smile that made Rei chuckle.

Tyson had been staying in his and Kais room all day, lying on the bed while listening to music. When he told Kai he wanted to be alone the bluenette simply nodded and pressed a kiss to his forehead before he left, respecting his wish. Tyson closed his eyes to the music, singing along.

« I will let you down...Ill let you down when you finally trust in me, finally belive me...»

Those words..They seemed all so true. He knew he would only end up disappointing Kai and the rest of his team in the end. He would let them down because he couldnt find the strenght to belive in himself.

« Trust me..Ill be there when you need me..Youll be safe here..and when you finally trust me, finally belive in me...»

He listened more carefully to what he was singing, his mouth going dry. Where did this song come from anyway? He didnt know how he had learnt the lyrics...They just seemed so natural for him to sing kind of.

« I will let you down...Ill let you down when you finally trust in me, finally belive in me»

Terrified Tyson hit the stop button and tossed the discman away, breathing heavily as he lay staring up at the ceiling. What had that been all about?

They were lying on the grass outside the dojo, staring up at the stars and pointing out different starsigns. Tyson laughed as he rolled over on his stomach, his face resting on his arms. By his side lay Rei, his hair undone for once, spread all around him. He turned his head, glacing at his friend.

« How are you Tyson?»

« Just fine..how come?»

Rei sighed, rolling over to lie on his stomach aswell. His face turned serious as their eyes met, and Tyson looked away quickly so Rei wouldnt look through him...look into his soul. After all, the eyes were the mirrors to the soul and Rei was clever enough to figure him out.

« You are lying to me Tyson...Why? I can tell that you are not fine. It is perfectly okay to ask for help you know. We are all here for you, we want to help you»

Tyson rolled onto his side, his back facing Rei.

« I dont think any of you can help me...»

« Oh Ty...Dont say that. Please, let us in. As long as you keep shutting us out there is no chance for us to help you at all»

« I...I wont drag you under with me. It would be better if you all just left me alone»

Rei inched closer and winded and arm around Tysons waist, pulling him close to himself. He pressed his face against the boys back, closing his eyes.

« If you keep thinking like that you will surely destroy yourself my friend. You cant get better unless you make an effort to, unless you are willing to try»

« I just wish I could be alone» came the quiet reply.

Rei said nothing in response, just hugged Tyson tightly to comfort him. If Tyson was having thoughts like that he could end up commiting suicide. Rei wondered if Kai knew that Tyson was this self-destructive. Most likely not. Even Kai had trouble looking through that happy mask that covered the navyhaired boys face most of the time. Only when alone did he drop his act.

« Rei...please leave»

« No Tyson...you need to have someone by you right now»

« No I dont, so give up already!» Tyson hissed, his shoulders tensing. Rei frowned at the change of mood, letting go of his friend. Tyson sat up, his eyes almost shooting lightning as he glared at the neko boy.

« Leave me alone...Right now!»

Rei quietly stood up and left him behind, feeling immense worry for his friend. He would have to inform Kai of this matter. Their captain would do something about it for sure. Kai was not about to let Tyson be on his own in that state. He just wished to help Tyson. But if the boy wasnt letting him, how could he help? It was beyond him. Maybe they should force Tyson to see a doctor or a phsyciatrist? To force him was probably no good idea, but they could talk to him about it at least.

**For those of you who did read my fanfic called Amber Eyes, the epilogue is now up at the mediaminer. If you cannot find my site at that community tell so in a rewiew and I will mail you the link. If you aint a member of the then leave your mail address and I will get back to you as soon as possible.**

**With that said, lastly- if you wish to read a story where Kai is more droolable than ever...click on the profile of Armith Greenleaf here on the ff and find the story named Fiat Lux. That is a story co-writtn by me and her and I dare say it is the best story I ever engaged myself in.**

**Yours Sincerly, Kanilla**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hii...I decided to update because of a very very nice rewiew from a certain Fire Red Pheonix**

**Arigatou for the nice rewiew, same thing with everyone else!**

**Oh, and I do not own the Beyblade guys or Beyblade.**

**-Chapter ten-**

Kai was quiet as he made ready to go to bed that evening. Tyson was sitting on the edge of the bed, a little grin on his lips. Kai had spoken to Rei earlierand he was worried as well. Tyson was wearing his pyjama shirt, the one that covered his arms. In fact it was too big for him as he had taken it from Kais clothing. Why was he wearing that one? Normally he would wear a t-shirt.

« You coming to bed Kai? Im sort of tired...It has been a long day you see»

Kai sat down and pulled the covers over his lap before he grabbed Tysons right hand. As a look of fear and guilt came to the boys eyes Kai knew he had jumped to the right conclusion. Tyson fought hard to loosen the grip, but Kai held his hand firmly and ignored his struggle as he pulled up the sleeve of the pyjama shirt. He sighed vainly as a bandaged wrist was revealed, stains of blood on it.

« Why wont you let us help you, let me help you? God- I love you too much to be able to stand seeing you in pain. Will you not let me help you Tyson?»

Tysons eyes darkened as he tried to withdraw and Kai wouldnt let him.He hissed in anger and pain, hitting Kai on the chest with his other hand.

« J-Just leave me alone will you! I dont fucking need any help!» he cried.

The bluenettes eyes turn cold and hard as he stare at the navyhaired boy, piercing him with his intense gaze. He let go of Tyson as he had burnt himself on the boys pale skin, inching away from him. Tyson caught a flash of anger and hurt in those deep purple eyes, regreting it immideately.

« K-Kai..Im sorry, I didnt mean ...»

« _Shut up_!» Kai snarled and Tyson whinced at the harsh tone of the voice. He made Kai angry with him, just fucking great. The person he loved the most was pissed at him. He lowered his head, unable to look at the taller and stronger teen.

« But Kai...»

« _Shut up I told you_! Why cant you just let me help you? I just want to be there and help you pull through this alive for _fucks sake_! Accept my help will you?»

« Sorry...»

« Yeah right, youre _fucking_ sorry. First you push me away and now youre sorry...marvelous is it not? Before I became a part of this team I was a no nothing person, all I could feel was rage and pain. Do you even know how that feels like? You make me feel in a way I never felt before or never even dreamt of feeling...Do you just wish to just throw that away? If that is the case...Then Ill leave you alone as you wish»

Tyson felt despair as Kai stood up from the bed and left the room, slamming the door shut behind him as he went. His heart was pounding in his head, swirls of different shades flashing before his eyes along with distant memories. The earlier dull ache in his chest was increasing, leaving him numb and drained of all strenght.

« Kai...I let you down even»

There were no tears for him to cry, they had vanished long time ago. On wobbly feet he stood off the bed and made his way to the desk by the window. He could only watch from inside himself as his hands pulled open a drawer and fumbled around in it, searching for something. Once the piece of glass was in his hand he clutched it tightly and didnt bother with the pain as skin was cut through. Even as the droplets fell to the floor he ignored the feeling and slowly walked out of the room. He had let everyone down again. He deserved to be punished for hurting his boyfriend the way he did, for making Kai feel helpless and frustrated on his behalf. And as there were no one but himself that would act out that punishment he deserved...he was taking it in his own hands to deal with. An empty smile grazed his lips as he stepped into the bathroom and locked the door behind him.

Rei raised his head as the sound of a door slamming shut could be heard through the dojo. His thoughts wadered away from his previous meditation to Kai who now came stomping into the sitting room, his body language indicating severe anger and frustration. The bluenette boy dumped onto the couch and rubbed his forehead before letting out a heavy sigh.

« What is wrong Kai? Did you and Tyson fight this time?»

« Yes» as the short reply. Rei stood up from the floor and went to sit beside his comrade and captain.

« Was it a bad fight? You look frustrated»

« Yes...He refuses to let me help him..I just lost it» Kai muttered and let his eyes slide shut.

« Kai...You need to make up again. Who knows what is going through Tysons head in this moment? He may be at fault this time...But you know he has been getting worse lately. If you are upset with him he might get desperate enough to do something stupid»

Kai cracked one eye open to glare at him. But Rei was immune to the death glare directed at him, it didnt scare him anymore, not the way it had used to when the Bladebreakers first were formed.

« I know...But he makes me feel so damn helpless sometimes!»

Rei smiled warmly and pulled his captain into a swift hug before letting go. Nodding his head at Kai, urging him to go and see his lover Kai stood up and left again only minutes after he had come.

He couldnt take it anymore...This was tearing him apart from the inside, the tensions, the hurt and pain...all of them making his stomach turn and twist, his heart aching in his chest as he had trouble breathing. He needed to cut himself again..to end this, it was too much for him...Kai loved him and he loved Kai..But he was betraying Jason, he was forgetting about the first love of his life...He knew he would forget how happy he was with his best friend when they were together, how sweet and naive their kisses had been. He longed for those kisses...Kai was different from Jason, yet the same as they both were caring and kind when it came to him...he didnt want to forget the love he had shared with the other boy. He knew it would hurt Kai greatly if he commited suicide, but it was the last resort..his doom and saviour at the same time. Besides, all he ever could do was to let down his lover and friends, they would be so much better off without him around.

This time his hands werent even shaking as he placed the blade to his skin, his face a mask of determination and sadness. He would be rid of these troubles very soon..and then he could go see Jason again. His heart skipped a beat in joy at that thought. Taking one last deep breath he cut his wrist, the blood splattering onto his clothes and face as the metal cut through skin and veins. He pulled the blade from the left to the right and back again, cutting deeper and deeper, desperately in need of going deeper in order to see the blood pour. It hurt, God it hurt so bad, physical pain mixed with the one festering in his heart, years of hurt and tensions now being released one last time.This time he wouldnt bother about leaving no stains...as there would be no need for him to clean up the mess afterwards. He just hoped that his friends wouldnt die from shock when they found him lying in a pool of his own blood on the floor.

His lips curled into a little smile despite the pain and he fell to the floor in a heap, feeling weaker already. He had been weak from before, illness had been tearing at him for a long time. But now...he couldnt even move from this spot if he wanted to. All he had to do now was to wait for the darkness to consume him for eternity...

**-end chapter-**

**Comments are greatly appreciated**

**Yours Sincerly, Kanilla**


	11. Chapter 11

**This story will have two alternative endings. I am such a sucker for happy endings...But since I originally ended this story very sadly I figured I should write a happy ending too...So people wont throw stuff at me because they got mad Here comes the sad ending first. Because if you read the sad one first and the happy one afterwards then youll get happy-happy again!**

**And both endings chapters are dedicated to Kai, who left me a lovely rewiew for the last chapter.**

**Kai, I was really surprised when I read your rewiew, even more so it made me happy that you didnt commit suicide. Im happy that my humble work could do something for another person-takes a bow at you- Thank you for keeping your head highI am glad I could be of some help. Keep fighting to live, there are too many beautiful things in life to throw it all away. But even if you may forget that sometimes, look at the moon..and youll see what I mean about pretty. Enjoy, and dont let this chapter bring you down There is a happy ending in store too.**

**And I do not own Beyblade or the characters of the show. I just write what I write.**

**- Alt. Ending 1-**

Kai felt alarmed when Tyson wasnt in their room. There was no navy haired boy asleep on his bed or sitting on the floor crying...Tyson had gone somewhere else. A block of ice appeared in his stomach as his thoughts started wandering. Where was his little lover? The uneasiness refused to vanish even as he searched through the house. In the end he was standing in front of the bathroom door, heart pounding in his chest rapidly.

« Tyson, are you in there?»

No reply so he tried again. Releasing a sigh of relief he was about to go away when he heard a muffled voice muttering on the other side of the door. Pressing his ear to the door he listened carefully, his heart jumping in his chest as he recognized the muffled voice as Tysons.

« Tyson answer me! I know you are in there...Are you all right?»

« Go..away»

Why was Tyson panting? Was he..? No, that couldnt be...Was he really hurting himself again? He started banging on the door frantically, panic welling up in his chest like there was no tomorrow.

« Kai, whats going on? We heard this banging and...» Rei stopped talking as he saw his captain, furrowing his brows.

« Is Tyson in there?»

« YES GODDAMN IT!»

« But why so angry?»

« He is hurting himself again, I just know he is! Help me unlock the door!»

Rei dashed off, most likely to get a key or something like it. But if Tyson had locked the door it would be no use for them to get a key, would it now? But as Rei returned to his side he wasnt carrying a key in his hand...but an axe. Kai stared at him oddly and the neko boy shrugged before going ballistic at the door with the sharp piece of metal.

They kept breaking down the door until there was a large hole in it, large enough for Rei to stick his arm inside and unlock the door. It swung open with a protesting sound, as if to protest against the rough treatment it had been given. Rei and Kai both ignored it as they stood in the doorway, paralyzed to the spot.

No..This cant be!Kai thought frantically, finally able to move as he rushed to his loves side, kneeling in the pool of blood coming from his slashes wrist. The red liquid seeped into his pants and colored them red as well, though he couldnt care less. He shook Tyson hard, intending to wake him up.

« Tyson, open your eyes! Open them goddamn it!» he shouted, tears starting to sting in his eyes.

« I am calling the ambulance...» came Reis faint whisper.

Kai was panicking. If Tyson went dead now, what did he have left to live for? He had promised that they would see this through, that he would be standing by the boys side the day it all was over. This was..unfair, and it was his fault. His fault. The words sounded terrible and they gave him a lump in his throat that made his voice thick when he spoke.

« Tyson...You stupid stupid idiot...Dont dare die on me now, you HEAR ME?»

The boy stirred, eyes half opening to look at him in a clouded fashion. Kais heart stopped in his chest nearly and he bent down to met those eyes with his own.

« So..rry...lo..ve»

Kai growled in his throat and shook his head before pressing their lips together in a swift kiss.

« You wont die, I refuse to let you die on me now! You WILL see this through Tyson...I promise you that..And if you dont I swear I will follow you to haunt you forever!»

Tyson smiled weakly, barely noticeable..But it was there. But even if the boy was smiling there was something empty about that smile that made Kai want to slap him silly and tell him to get to his senses. Tyson was giving up, he realized. He was giving up on them, on their relationship. Kai could only hear the sound of his pounding heart as Tyson went limp and Rei entered the room again, saying something he couldnt catch.

If Tyson was giving up..then there was nothing left for him to do than hope Fate would lend them both a helping hand in saving Tysons life. Kai sat staring into space numbly as Rei wrapped his arms around him and pulled him into a tight hug. He couldnt feel a thing anymore.

The other members of the Bladebreakers entered the room soon after, and Rei told them to be quiet and dont make a fuzz. Max however started crying instantly, being the sensitive and caring boy he was he broke down into tears the moment he realized what was going on.

« Kai..Come back home and have some rest, okay? You are exhausted!» Rei pleaded, pulling at his captains arm gently. Kai brushed him off instantly, grunting for an answer as he sank back into the chair beside the hospital bed. Rei sighed in vain, rubbing his forehead to relieve the painful pressure inside his own skull. He had slept little himself for the past few nights. But that was nothing compared to Kai.

The bluenette had stayed awake for three nights and three days in a row now and it made Rei worry greatly. It was understandable that Kai would want to stay here by this bed though, he frowned as he looked over to the unconscious figure lying there, an oxygen mask covering his nose and mouth to help him breathe.

Tyson had been brought to the hospital fast. But even as they arrived there after ten minutes the blood loss had ben severe. The doctors had ben gloomy about his chances of survival even if they always smiled faintly and told them that there was still a chance that he might regain consciousness.

While the doctors stitched Tyson up the Bladebreakers had been waiting impatiently, Max had been crying constantly and clinging to Rei who had a hard time holding back tears himself. Kenny had tried to encourage them, being brave for the others. Kai...Their captain had just been sitting in a chair with his head leaned against the wall, eyes staring emptily into the blue. There was no sorrow or pain on his handsome face, no emotion displayed for them to see...Nothing but emptiness.

« Ill bring you some coffee Kai if you intend to stay awake for a while yet» Rei said and left, casting one last glance at Tyson and Kai.

Kai lowered his head, resting it in his hands. He was tired...He was exhausted both mentally and physically and yet he could not go to sleep. His mind was filled with thoughts and memories that did not want for him to have peace. There were dark rings under his eyes. Even so he did not feel a tad bit sleepy.

« Dont die on me..please» he begged silently, his hand seeking Tysons, the hand lying limp and dead in his own. He gave it a light squeeze and held it. The skin was pale due to the blood loss and Kai thought he had never seen anyone this white before. It was frightening. Tyson may never wake up again, he may die any moment. Kai had nothing to hold onto anymore, he could barely bring himself to hope for a good outcome.

Something soft brushed against his cheek, like a stroke of wind. Raising his head again he looked around confused- he was the only person in the room. There it was again..soft like fingertips brushing over his cheek. He closed his eyes and leaned into the touch, finding it odd. No matter how odd it was he couldnt care less right now, he was numb inside out.

He could picture Tysons smiling face in his mind and it brought the tiniest of smiles to his own lips. The warm, soft feeling of lips brushing against his own and lingering there for a moment before vanishing.

The warmth was ...gone again.

He opened his eyes, looking to the heart monitor on the right side of the bed. A block of ice formed in his stomach when he saw the unsteady beats of the boys heart. He was dying, his heart was giving up.

« Dont give up! Stay here you stupid boy!» Kai shouted, his grip on the limp hand tightening. He was powerless, fate held every string in this game.

« No...It cant be» he whispered thickly, rising to his feet. He wet his dry lips as he looked down at the boy.

« You cant leave..not yet»

Bending down he pressed his lips to Tysons for a brief moment, locking all memories and all feelings of the kiss away in his own heart.

In his mind he could picture the navy haired boy smiling at him, his face lit up by happiness and joy as he took Kais hand and lead him along down the path at their feet. They stopped by a forest and Tyson let go of his hand, smiling brightly before walking away from him. Kai feebly reached out a hand for him but it fell to his side soon after. He understood.

« Goodbye Tyson. Ill see you again when death claims my life. All too soon your life was claimed...I hope you are happy with Jason» he whispered, his breath on Tysons lips as he had barely inched away from him. Smiling emptily he backed away from the limp body on the bed, stumbling over to the door.

Rei looked up once the door to the hospital room opened and Kai stepped outside. Rei could tell immediately that something was awfully wrong with his friend. Kais face was twisted in a loop-sided grin unlike any expression he had ever shown them before. They eyes though..they seemed filled with grief and pain and Rei noticed a single tear slide down his captains cheek as he dumped into a chair and sat there motionless.

« Kai, whats wrong?» asked Max in deep concern- being the innocent boy he was.

Rei widened his eyes in horror as he realized the meaning of the sorrow in those eyes.

« Oh no...Tyson!» he called out, dashing into the boys room.

He stood there in the middle of the room staring at the boy.

« You are too late Rei...He left» came Kais voice.

Reis eyes filled with tears as he turned to face the other young mans blank eyes. He forced a weak smile and nodded shortly at Kai.

« Whats wrong? What happened?» Max and Kenny claimed to know, pulling at Kai and Reis sleeves to gain their attention. Kai closed his eyes and sighed, leaning against the doorway.

« Tyson left us Max...Simple as that»

Kai did not stay behind to watch his team cry over their lost friend. He didnt think he could bear their tears right now. Instead he walked outside the hospital, continuing to walk and walk until he no longer knew where he was. Standing on a hill by an old oak tree he tilted his head backwards to look up at the darkening sky, seeing the little stars become lit in the dim darkness.

« Where ever you are...Ill see you again- thats a promise»

Satisfied with himself he sat back against the old oak with eyes closed, humming a lullaby he could remember from his childhood days. Everything would be all right as long as he continued.

Crimson eyes glazed over with tears were staring up at the sky as night fell and everything faded to become one with the shadows.

**-end-**

**I hope I didnt make you cry or anythingStay with me for the last one, will ya?**

**And also a thanks to Silver89Wolf for the sweet rewiew**

**Yours sincerly, Kanilla & Nicholas**


	12. Alternative Ending

**Hiya guys**

**Sorry for being out of touch for so long, things have been a bit busy. But I did promise you a happy, alternative ending, did I not?**

**So here it comes. The start of this ending is just the same as the original one, but it's when you come to the part where they are ****at the hospital that's different. So if you cannot be bothered to read the same part over again, skip down until you see a black line.**

**That's what is new!**

**Thanks once again to my lovely rewiewers. And thanks a lot Silver89Wolf(mind if I call you something shorter? ), who left me the lovliest rewiew the other night and made me hurry to post this.**

**And I don't own anything you know from the Beyblade series...**

**Alternative Ending 2**

Kai felt alarmed when Tyson wasn't in their room. There was no navy haired boy asleep on his bed or sitting on the floor crying...Tyson had gone somewhere else. A block of ice appeared in his stomach as his thoughts started wandering. Where was his little lover? The uneasiness refused to vanish even as he searched through the house. In the end he was standing in front of the bathroom door, heart pounding in his chest rapidly.

« Tyson, are you in there?»

No reply so he tried again. Releasing a sigh of relief he was about to go away when he heard a muffled voice muttering on the other side of the door. Pressing his ear to the door he listened carefully, his heart jumping in his chest as he recognized the muffled voice as Tyson's.

« Tyson answer me! I know you are in there...Are you all right?»

« Go..away»

Why was Tyson panting? Was he..? No, that couldn't be...Was he really hurting himself again? He started banging on the door frantically, panic welling up in his chest.

« Kai, what's going on? We heard this banging and...» Rei stopped talking as he saw his captain, furrowing his brows.

« Is Tyson in there?»

« YES GODDAMN IT!»

« But why so angry?»

« He is hurting himself again, I just know he is! Help me unlock the door!»

Rei dashed off, most likely to get a key or something like it. But if Tyson had locked the door it would be no use for them to get a key, would it now? But as Rei returned to his side he wasn't carrying a key in his hand...but an axe. Kai stared at him oddly and the neko boy shrugged before going ballistic at the door with the sharp piece of metal.

They kept breaking down the door until there was a large hole in it, large enough for Rei to stick his arm inside and unlock the door. It swung open with a protesting sound, as if to protest against the rough treatment it had been given. Rei and Kai both ignored it as they stood in the doorway, paralyzed to the spot.

No..This can't be!Kai thought frantically, finally able to move as he rushed to his loves side, kneeling in the pool of blood coming from his slashed wrist. The red liquid seeped into his pants and colored them red as well, though he couldnt care less. He shook Tyson hard, intending to wake him up.

« Tyson, open your eyes! Open them goddamn it!» he shouted, tears starting to sting in his eyes.

« I'm calling the ambulance...» came Reis faint whisper.

Kai was panicking. If Tyson went dead now, what did he have left to live for? He had promised that they would see this through, that he would be standing by the boy's side the day it all was over. This was..unfair, and it was his fault. His fault. The words sounded terrible and they gave him a lump in his throat that made his voice thick when he spoke.

« Tyson...You stupid stupid idiot...Don't dare die on me now, you HEAR ME?»

The boy stirred, eyes half opening to look at him in a clouded fashion. Kais heart stopped in his chest nearly and he bent down to met those eyes with his own.

« So..rry...lo..ve»

Kai growled in his throat and shook his head before pressing their lips together in a swift kiss.

« You won't die, I refuse to let you die on me now! You WILL see this through Tyson...I promise you that..And if you don't I swear I will follow you to haunt you forever!»

Tyson smiled weakly, barely noticeable..But it was there. But even if the boy was smiling there was something empty about that smile that made Kai want to slap him silly and tell him to get to his senses. Tyson was giving up, he realized. He was giving up on them, on their relationship. Kai could only hear the sound of his pounding heart as Tyson went limp and Rei entered the room again, saying something he couldn't catch.

If Tyson was giving up..then there was nothing left for him to do than hope Fate would lend them both a helping hand in saving Tyson's life. Kai sat staring into space numbly as Rei wrapped his arms around him and pulled him into a tight hug. He couldnt feel a thing anymore.

The other members of the Bladebreakers entered the room soon after, and Rei told them to be quiet and don't make a fuzz. Max however started crying instantly, being the sensitive and caring boy he was he broke down into tears the moment he realized what was going on.

------O--------O-----

Rei stepped into the room, two cups of coffee in his hands. He sighed as he spotted Kai sitting in a chair by the hospital bed, his head resting against the white sheets as he slept. The bluenette was sound asleep and he didn't even wake up as Rei shook his shoulder lightly. Kai had always been a light sleeper and the fact that he didnt wake up now proved that he really needed a decent couple of hours sleep. Their captain ahd stayed awake for days and nights in a row now to watch over Tyson.

There was no sign of change yet in the navy haired boy's state. He had stayed as limp and unmoving as he was now for the past four days. Reis eyes saddened as he sat down on the edge of the bed with the cups of coffee. He supposed that Kai wouldnt be needing this coffee after all. At least not right now. Placing it on the bedside table he sipped to his own cup carefully not to burn his tongue.

Rei had done his best over the past few days to comfort his team mates. They were all in a state of shock after Tyson slit his wrist and ended up in the hospital. Max was in the worst state. The blonde had cried so much that Rei thought he couldn't have any tears left by now. Kenny had been quiet and distanced from the rest of them and he was even distant enough to forget his laptop whenever they went to the hospital.

Rei himself tried to keep himself occupied not to think about his unconscious friend. He had felt the urge to cry himself, but he refused. He wouldn't cry. It gave him an odd feeling, like if he started crying there would not be any hope for Tyson. As if he doomed him by releasing tears. So he didn't.

Then there was Kai. Kai hadnt been back at the dojo even once since Tyson was brought here. He had stayed faithfully by the boys side, forcing himself to stay awake as if it would help Tyson in some sense. Rei had tried to convince him to go to sleep and let them take over a couple of times. But Kai however had been his stubborn self and ignored all of it. Rei was a bit surprised to see Kai display emotion like he had done lately. The bluenette had been frozen for a while, or at least thats what they had thought. Rei had known that Kai held the same feelings that any other person did, that he was capable of love. But Kai had always shut out his emotions and sometimes Rei could sense the pressure he built up inside. Maybe falling in love had done their captain well after all. Kai had shed tears, he had raged, he had silently grieved and he had smiled because of Tyson.

He didnt know how Kai would take it if Tyson didnt recover. A lump formed in his throat at the unpleasant thought. Shaking his head slightly he ran a hand through Kais thick bluish hair and smiled.

" Sleep well Kai. You need it. I'll come back later".

With that Rei bought his now empty cup of coffee and closed the door behind him. Max and Kenny were sitting outside the room, the boy with the glasses was patting Maxs shoulder as the blonde was sniffling again. Rei kneeled down in front of his friend and pulled him into a hug.

" Shh..He'll be okay Maxie. Just believe in him".

" O-okay..How is Kai doing?"

" The poor guy finally fell asleep".

" That's good", Kenny commented and looked away.

When Kai opened his eyes again it was dark in the room. The only source of light came from the street lamps outside. He rubbed his eyes to be rid of the sleepiness.

" I..fell asleep. For how long was I gone?" he muttered to himself.

Looking at the clock he counted the hours and was horrified to find out that he had been sleeping for approximately six hours already. He swallowed hard as he looked at Tyson lying among the white sheets. God, he hated hospitals. They were so clean, too clean, too white. It made him shudder. And there was so much death in places like this.

People would become weak and die within this building and a week later no one would remember them except from their families and friends. It didnt matter who you were in a hospital. You were just one of many patients being treated by the doctors here. He rubbed his eyes again.

" Tyson..Just come back to me okay? I don't know how long I can keep this up".

He took hold of the pale hand and squeezed it lightly. Even Kai's long, slender fingers seemed tanned compared to Tysons shorter ones. Kai had never enjoyed being outdoors. The winters back in Russia had been hard and cold, and he never saw much sun during his childhood, hence the paleness of his skin. Tyson on the other hand shouldn't be this pale, it wasn't natural for him.

He brought the hand to his cheek and simply held it there, feeling the distant warmth coming from the smaller hand in his own. Tysons hands were a bit cold, he thought and inched away to look at it. He ran a thumb over the skin and sighed.

It was hard on him to be in a situation like this. It was something he had trained not to be affected by. Back at the Abbey he had undergone severe training to shut out all emotions from his heart and go on regardless of anything that happened. And by all means, he was not to bond with anyone. It was hard for him to let out his emotions like he had done lately. Or rather- it was hard to know how to behave. Tears had threatened to fall from his eyes several times but he didnt feel like he could cry. He hadnt cried before in his whole life until that day when he found Tyson in a pool of his own blood.

He didn't know how to cry. Not like Max. The blonde had shed tears constantly, his baby blue eyes glazing over with tears that made them shimmer. He envied Max at times. The boy was so free and open about his own emotions. He hadn't kept his heart one of ice over the years like Kai had.

He felt empty at the moment. A sort of dull ache had fested in his heart. It was painful but yet distant and it made him ache even more. As long as Tyon continued to stay like this he was also stuck in this numb state. If he only could wake up..The doctors hadnt been all that positive when they spoke to the Bladebreakers about the boy's condition. Kai despised the doctors for that. Didn't they have any faith in his boyfriend? No..They didn't know him and therefore it was impossible for them to make up any opinion on whether he would be able to fight his way back to them or not.

" I know you can".

He felt his jaw crack when he yawned and his eyelids started becoming heavy again. He could have used a couple of hours more sleep...But he didn't want to, not now. He needed to stay awake in case Tyson woke up again soon. Although, minutes later he found that his head was resting against the bred again and he was falling asleep.

_Where...am I?_

Everything was blurry as his eyes half opened. He couldnt make out anything other than faint shadows that blended with dim light. Where was he? This was not the place he had expected to see. This was...

His mouth became a thin line as he felt bandages against his skin, covering his wrist. He hadn't managed to end himself after all, he thought bitterly and closed his eyes again. He would't be able to see Jason again. Despite his eyes being closed a single teardrop rolled down his left cheek.

_I don't want to be here...Why couldn't I just have died like I tried to?_

It was such a bitter feeling, such a hateful feeling that it felt like his heart was swelling in his chest. It was painful to know that he would still have to live. Something soft brushed against his undamaged arm, it tickled.

Turning his head as much as he was able to in this state of weakness he spotted a mop of bluish hair resting on the bed by his arm.

Kai.

Kai was here...Beside him. His heart picked up speed in his ribcage. And he was clearly sleeping at the moment. Oh no..He had hurt his friends. By not dying he may make them happy again...But what if they couldn't forgive him for attempting suicide? What if they all left him..? What if even Kai..? He felt his throat thicken and he swallowed hard. His mouth was dry and no matter how much he kept swallowing it didnt make any difference.

" K..ai..", he croaked, his voice hoarse from the dry throat. He felt so weak..He couldnt even lift his arm or speak properly. Why had he done this to himself? He hadn't expected to wake up in this place again after all. What had saved him? He couldn't remember.

The bluenette sighed and wriggled a little in the chair, probably to find a more comfortable position. And he didn't because in the next moment he let out a yawn and sat back up rubbing his eyes sleepily. Tyson watched him silently, wondering when he would notice that he was awake. Kai looked at him, their eyes meeting for a brief moment. Tyson didn't think he had ever seen Kai that surprised before. But then again, he hadn't seen the Russian display that many expressions or emotions during the time they had been on the same team. Kais eyes were wide as he stared at him.

" You...are awake again", he whispered. Tyson wondered if it was more to reassure himself that it was true than a question. He nodded weakly and looked away. How could he look at Kai again after what he did? He attempted suicide..and failed.

" Tyson, don't look away. Please".

Now that's an odd word coming from Kai Hiwatari. Though Tyson didn't give it much thought then and there. Not until a hand cupped his chin and turned his head slightly did he look Kai in the eye.

He wanted to tell him how sorry he was. To tell him how incredibly sorry he was for hurting him like he surely must have done. If he only had succeeded in dying he wouldnt have had to face this.

" Tyson..I missed you. You know that right?"

His mouth was too dry for his to answer. Kai filled a glass with water and helped him gulp down some of it before placing it on the bedside table. He sat on the edge of the bed and guarded Tyson with a little smile on his face. A tiny smile, but still a smile. Tyson didnt understand how he could act so calm.

" I'm..sorry Kai".

" You should be you dumbass! I've been worried to death!"

" I'm-"

" Don't apologize anymore. You're alive- thats what matters".

Tyson bit his bottom lip and chewed on it awkwardly. Did it really? He still wanted to die..even if it meant hurting Kai in the process. His chest was still aching like it had done before he attempted suicide. He didnt think he would ever be rid of that hurt. It was too intense...It filled up his senses and left him blinded by tears. And that was what was about to happen now. He was about to start crying. Cursing himself silently for being such a weak coward be closed his eyes.

" Look at me".

" No".

" I said- look at me!"

His chin was cupped again and when Tyson opened his eyes again Kais face was only inches from his, eyes ever so intense and deep. He swallowed hard and felt his fingers wrap around the bandaged wrist.

" I refuse to let you die. You hear me? I'm selfish for wanting to keep you when you have no wish to live...But I don't give a shit about that! If I must be selfish, then so be it- I am not letting you go".

" K-Kai".

" And thats my final answer..I am going to pull you through this, no matter the cost. So no more attempts of killing yourself, you hear me?"

"Y-yes.."

" Good. When you get out of this hospital you will see someone for help. And we better start working on your mental state as soon as possible".

Kai inched slightly away and looked down to where Tsyon was holding his bandaged wrist. With a little smile he released the wrist from its grip and brought the hand that had been holding it to his face, pressing it lightly against his cheek. Tyson felt his heart hammering inside his chest at that simple gesture. Did Kai really want him to stay that strongly? Enough to give up everything? He couldnt understand why..But it made him feel a tiny fragment of hope.

"Okay...", he replied with a tiny smile which Kai returned.

"Hey Kai, I wanted to know if-"

Rei's eyes went wide with surprise as he saw that Tyson was awake. In fact, he was so shocked that for a moment he couldn't even move, just stare at his friend with his mouth gaping.

"Tyson! You're awake!" he beamed in a very un-Rei-like way before running to the bedside to squeeze the navy haired boy in a tight hug. Tyson smiled weakly as the Chinese withdrew and fell back into his pillows.

"I'll be back in a moment!"

Kai and Tyson watched their friend zoom out of the room, not even closing the door behind him. Kai looked at Tyson with a meaningful look that made the younger blader bow his head in shame.

"I bet he went to tell Max and Kenny. Soon you'll see the three of them barging into the room with happy smiles on their faces".

"I'm sorry..."

"Don't apologize, I don't want to listen to that bullshit...And don't dare to ever try anything like suicide again".

"But..."

"We'll get you help. I'll help you. Max and Kenny and Rei will too. Don't let us down".

Tyson fell silent, thinking about the words Kai had spoken. He never wished to let them down in the first place. Kai wanted to help him..to stand by him. It made a fuzzy warmth spread from his chest throughout his otherwise cold body.

"Tyson!" came Max's hyper and overjoyed squeal as the three came tumbling into the room in a hurry, Kenny nearly dropping his laptop Dizzy to the floor in the process.

Tyson once again found himself in someone's arms, this time the blonde's.

"I was so scared you might go and leave us for real!" Max said as he started crying in joy over seeing his friend back to life.

Tyson forced a little smile as the blonde withdrew too. Rei could see that Tyson was not feeling particulary well at the moment, even if he was trying to cover it up with a smile.

"I asked the doctor, he said you can go home in a day or two as long as you come for a checkup after four days".

Tyson nodded silently.

Rei and Kai exchanged knowing looks. Both knew Tyson was mentally unstable still. To change it and balance out his depression would take time, it wuld be a long and time consuming process. But it had to be done. Neither of them wanted to loose their friend, and on Kai's behalf-lover.

Rei thought it could be done, as long as Kai and Tyson stuck together. And by the fond look on Kai's eyes he knew the Captain wouldn't leave Tyson to himself. He smiled slightly.

"You need to eat some Tyson..Want me to go and buy you some food?"

"..Sure"

"I'll come with you! Come Kenny, you too!" Max chirped and dragged a sighing Kenny along.

"See what I mean Tyson? They all love you".

"Yeah...Thanks Kai".

He smiled at his Russian boyfriend. And Kai knew then, that even if Tyson wanted to end everything he would make a try to live. For the sake of his loved ones.

"Come here idiot", Kai sighed and pulled him into a hug.

**The End**

**Lastly, thanks again to anyone who has been reading this fanfiction. Self-harm is a problem many people struggle with, maybe many more than you think. I wanted to write a story on the subject, and this was the result. If you yourself have been struggling with this or something similar, I hope I have made the story worthy for you to read. I wish you all good luck with every obstacle in life.**

**Yours sincerly, Kanilla**


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